


No One Ever Taught You How To Stand By

by TheWeepingMonk



Series: Broken Home Baby [3]
Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:14:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22999042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWeepingMonk/pseuds/TheWeepingMonk
Summary: Troy meets his gaze. "Would you miss me if I were gone?""You mean if you were dead?"Troy nods.Nick reaches up to touch his cheek. "Well, I took a hammer to my skull to make sure I didn't have to find out, but...yeah, I would. Would you miss me?"
Relationships: Nick Clark/Troy Otto
Series: Broken Home Baby [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1491437
Comments: 13
Kudos: 81





	No One Ever Taught You How To Stand By

Nick watches Madison, Alicia, and Troy as they suss out a way to deal with the horde gathered outside of the warehouse they've been staying in for the past few days. He has a plan of his own, but he knows it won't go over well with his mother until she's exhausted every option. 

"I can take the truck, blare Troy's shitty music and draw them away," Alicia suggests, and Nick can't help his amused grin at the offended look on Troy's face. 

"It’s too dangerous," Madison says. "What if you run out of gas? You'll be surrounded."

"It’s more dangerous to do nothing." Alicia points out, a stubborn set to her shoulders. "Strand can't move, we're low on gas, and we're surrounded. So either we divert the horde or we leave him and all of our supplies behind."

Madison clenches her jaw, trying to find the words to argue her way around this. 

"I vote we leave him and take as much as we can carry." Troy says. 

Nick decides to chime in before they can get derailed by the comment. "There _is_ a third way."

Everyone looks at him curiously. 

"There’s a gas station a few blocks from here. If Troy and I use blood cover we can siphon the gas we need and then lead them away long enough for you to get away."

"Nick, there’s too many of them out there." Madison protests. 

"And if we don't move now, there’s going to be too many of them _in here."_ Troy points out. 

Nick sees the anger in his mother's eyes, a part of him smug about it. Things have been tense between them since the moment they found each other again, and the way he's grown more protective over Troy has only served to piss her off infinitely. 

"They can use the radio from the break room," Alicia adds. "It still has half a charge and it should work long enough to draw the dead away so we can get out."

"The blood will keep us safe." Nick reminds her, and Madison looks closer to relenting.

"They can meet us in Brawley," Alicia says, pointing to a spot on the map, Madison following the movement. "From there we can take route seventy-eight until it hits the I-ten and then we pick a direction."

Nick gets up from his chair and goes to the map. He finds Brawley, then El Centro where they are currently and looks at the surrounding cities. "We'll lead them towards Seeley and meet you in Brawley in the morning. I mean what choice do we really have if we want to help Victor?"

Madison nods. "Okay. But I'm going with you instead of Troy." 

Nick frowns. "Why?"

"Someone needs to help Alicia get Victor into the truck."

"Why can't you?" Nick questions.

"Yeah, don't leave me alone with the psychopath," Alicia says. "What if he decides to burn the place down?"

It's truly comical the way Troy's eyebrows raise at that, and if it weren't for the current context, Nick might've laughed. 

Madison looks between Nick and Alicia, reluctance evident in her eyes, but she exhales heavily and nods when she realizes she doesn't have a good reason to insist on going with Nick. 

Nick looks to Troy. "Grab the radio then go pack our stuff."

Troy huffs at being ordered around, but leaves the room all the same. 

"It should take us maybe fifteen minutes to get the gas and leave it on Troy's truck. Be ready to go as soon as we lead them away." Nick tells them. He starts to leave the room at Alicia's nod, but Madison grabs his arm. 

"You _will_ meet us tomorrow, right?" Madison asks, a tinge of worry in her voice. 

Nick pulls his arm out of her grasp. "I'm not using this as an opportunity to run away if that's what you're worried about."

Madison doesn't look reassured by his words in the slightest and he doesn't want her to be. 

"Besides, I would never leave when there's a stash of oxy lying around," Nick jokes and he can _feel_ the glare she gives him on his way out. 

From the small office in which they'd had their meeting, Nick goes to the front of the warehouse and up the walkway that will allow him to see out the windows and overlook the infected gathered all around the fence surrounding the building. He searches for an opening, eventually spotting the place where the crowd was thinnest.

"They're gonna leave our truck here so we can meet them in the morning."

Nick startles at Troy's voice interrupting the silence around him. He looks to his right and reaches for Troy as he walks towards him. 

Troy laces their fingers together and turns to face the window. They come up with a plan to grab the infected they'll need, and how they'll lure them away, then turn to face each other.   
  
Nick kisses his cheek, amused by the way Troy's breath catches. He lingers a moment, waiting for Troy to do a sweep of their surroundings, and then Troy kisses his forehead. It took some adjusting to Troy's paranoia about them being seen together like this, but once he had finally admitted to his fears, Nick hadn't dared to push too strongly for more. 

Even if he was _dying_ to kiss Troy properly. 

He settles for kissing up Troy's jawline then up to his ear and down to his neck. He lingers, kissing and sucking at the warm skin. 

Troy hums in pleasure, bringing his free hand up to run his fingers through Nick's hair. 

Nick stops before he does enough damage to leave a mark. "We should go," He says with one last kiss to Troy's chin. 

Troy nods, a dreamy smile on his face that makes Nick feel pleased with himself. 

Once they've collected their bags, and gone outside they draw the attention of the infected closest to the east gate. Nick opens the gate, allowing two to slip through before closing it. Troy takes them out quickly, shoving his knife into their skulls seamlessly, then cuts them open. 

Nick sticks his hands into the guts of one then smears blood on Troy's face, painting it red and chuckling at the way Troy leans into his touch. "You complained for three days the last time I did this and now you seem almost happy about it."

"Last time you got it in my nose." 

Nick smiles and kisses the tip of his nose before swiping blood on it with his thumb. He collects more blood and smears it on Troy's chest, back and arms. 

Troy bloodied his own hands and captured Nick's face in between them, pulling him in close. His heart skips, thinking Troy was going to kiss him, and he does, but at the corner of his mouth. 

"Tease," Nick huffs. 

Troy grins and colors his face with blood. "You're achin' for me to kiss you, huh?" He asks cockily. 

"No."

Troy's grin grows bigger, and he swipes blood over Nick's bottom lip, thumb dragging across it. "Liar," he teases. 

Nick rolls his eyes and tries to step away, but Troy pulls him into a hug. He returns it after a moment, unable to resist the allure of being in Troy's arms. 

"I'm achin' to kiss you too," Troy admits quietly into his ear. "I'm just waiting for the right moment. I don't want to panic and I don't want it to feel wrong...I don't want to have _that word_ ringing in my ears."

 _Queer._ Nick could imagine how that word would ruin things for him. According to Troy, Jeremiah had used plenty of other colorful words to describe the LGBT community, but queer was the only one he had the balls to say even in polite company. It was the only one that ever felt like a cut into Troy's skin each time he said it because it was too broad and he couldn't use his attraction to women as a shield like with the others. 

"I know." Nick says quietly. He kisses Troy's jaw and pulls away. "Let's go get the gas."

They lure the infected a little ways from the gate, then slip out and shamble away. Once they were a block away they walked normally, no more infected around. 

Troy slips his hand into Nick's almost immediately. "You know I don't understand why Madison's so keen on taking Strand with us. He sold Daniel out to the Proctors and he almost got her and Alicia killed. If we hadn't left he could've gotten _you_ killed."

"And you." Nick adds. "But he's our friend and just because he fucked up doesn't mean we're going to leave him to die. Besides, if it weren't for him we never would've made it this far. We owe him."

Troy looks at him curiously. "Funny how he never came up at the Ranch."

Nick shrugs. "He wasn't important there."

"But he was before?" 

Nick tells him all about Strand, the hospital, the Abigail, the pirates, and everything else during the entire walk to the gas station and back. It was actually really nice to talk about the crazy shit that had happened since the world officially ended. His family never really stopped to reflect, they just lived one crisis to another. 

Nick splits off from Troy after he's taken the radio from his bag. He turns it up as loud as it can go once Troy's at the gate, drawing the attention of the infected. They start turning towards the sound and Nick walks backwards slowly as they start towards him. 

He leads them out of town, careful to stay a great distance in front of them, then turns off the radio and shoves it in his bag. He stands still, waiting for the horde to catch up. 

They sniff at him and pass him by, shambling in the direction he needed them to go. He lets himself blend into the middle of them, Troy catching up ten minutes later, his hand slipping into Nick's. He squeezes Troy's hand and they settle in for a long, sweltering journey. 

They run into a problem when they're halfway through Seeley. 

A car alarm starts blaring behind them, drawing the attention of the infected, and they have no choice but to turn with the horde. Nick looks around subtly for the culprit, eyes going to the roofs of the nearest buildings. He sees nothing at first, but then a patch of blonde hair catches his attention. 

A man stands, peering over the edge of one of the tallest buildings, a slingshot aimed off in the distance – likely at another car. They can't let him draw the infected back the direction they came or all of their effort was for nothing. 

Nick squeezes Troy's hand until he turns slightly to look at him. Nick flicks his gaze up towards the man until Troy looks.

"Subdue," Nick whispers when Troy’s gaze flicks back to him. 

Troy nods slightly. His hand slips out of Nick's as he slows down, letting the infected pass him so he can break free from the pack. The man sets off another alarm farther down the road. 

Nick keeps walking, careful not to look up at the stranger too much or for too long. He trusts Troy to take care of him, but a part of him can't help but worry something will go wrong because it always did. 

Nick slips from the horde when they reach the first car, a cautious glance at the stranger revealing he was gone. He pulled out his knife, took out the stragglers then popped the hood, and killed the battery as fast as he could, before stumbling down the street where the infected gathered around the second blaring car.  
  
As he was debating how exactly he'd shut off this alarm, he hears an agonizing scream followed by a loud crash and another car alarm blaring somewhere behind him. The infected slowly start to wander towards it, and Nick uses the distraction to kill the other alarm before following after them. 

Nick finds the blonde on top of a red Volvo, blood spilling from his mouth, expression twisted in pain. He's not dead yet, and it doesn't appear as if he can move anything but his eyes which sweep the small sea of infected reaching for him. His eyes land on Nick as they notice his late approach. 

Nick puts a finger to his lip, and winks to make him aware. The mans eyes widen in fear, and there's just the smallest twinge of satisfaction in Nick's chest at the sight of it. 

A sharp, " _Nicky_ ," cuts through the sound of the alarm. To his left, Troy stands in the doorway to the building the man was presumably pushed off of. He gestures for Nick to follow him inside. 

Nick shuffles over to him, taking the hand offered to him and following Troy wordlessly upstairs. He leads Nick to the roof, and over to what he thinks is supposed to be a sniper's nest. There's blankets, pillows, a slingshot, and trash scattered everywhere. 

"I think he was waiting for someone," Troy tells him, voice rough from disuse.

It's then that Nick realizes there's two of everything, including sleeping bags, and binoculars, but if that wasn't proof enough, the writing on the ground was. 

_Went to catch breakfast. ~ W_ is written on the ground next to the bedding in green chalk. 

Troy starts rummaging through the bedding until he finds a bag, and looks through that instead. Nick grabs a pair of binoculars and takes a look around. All he sees are infected coming out of the woodwork to get to the car downstairs. 

"We need to hurry before too many come," Nick says, setting the binoculars down. 

Troy offers him the bag. "There's water, and a couple of granola bars."

"Take the blankets," Nick says. "We might need them later."

They roll and stuff the blankets between their bags as well as the chalk they find, and then they're off. They refresh the blood coating their bodies, then slip back into pretending to be one of the dead. 

It's a long, tiring trek back to the warehouse, but they manage it in about half the time since they didn't have to play dead the entire way. In the back of Troy's truck they find half a canister of gas, a jug of water, and a big can of chili. They grab a change of clothes from the front and go inside. 

They use half of the water to wash off the blood, then change into their clothes, and heat the chili on the gas stove in the break room. 

"Can we sleep on the roof tonight?" Nick asks as he stirs the chilli, eyes darting to Troy who's sat on the counter next to him. 

Troy eyes him curiously. "Why?" 

"I want to see the stars."

An amused grin spreads across Troy’s face. "Stargazing? You might not be much of a poet, but you're definitely a romantic, aren't you Nicky?"

"I wouldn't say that, but at least my idea of romance doesn't include killing a boar, then fucking next to it while it cooks."

"That was Darla's idea. You can't pin that on me."

"You said it was the best sex of your life because of the adrenaline you got from the kill."

Troy narrows his eyes. "You really listen to every thing I say, huh?"

"Oh god no. I probably would've strangled you by now if I did. A lot of bullshit comes out of your mouth, but I do try to pay attention in the rare moments where you're not being an obnoxious asshole."

Troy flips him the bird, and Nick does it back. 

They both drop their hands to their sides after a moment then Troy says. "And you know what, I call bullshit on killing not being part of your idea idea of romance. I mean I killed someone today, and I bet that you're dying for me to kiss you more than ever."

"I'm really not." 

Troy jumps off of the counter and walks over to Nick, crowding into him, his hands going to rest on Nick's waist so he can twist him away from the stove and pull him close. He brushes his lips over Nick's cheek, teasing the corner of his mouth before, lowly, he says, "Fine, I'll just _not_ kiss you and go make us a bed then."

This was the edge of Troy’s paranoia – the place between his internalized oppression and his desire to do as he wanted. Nick both loved and hated it, because while Troy would be more open with his affection, he was always an asshole about it. 

"You do that," Nick says, stubbornly refusing to let Troy know he was affecting him in any way. He must fail somehow becauseTroy leaves with a smirk on his face. 

In the quiet of the room, Nick thinks about the man from earlier. 

He'd said _subdue_ , not _kill_ , but he couldn't find it in himself to be angry at Troy. He didn't even care to ask if Troy had meant to do it, or if it was an accident because it didn't matter. The problem had been solved and they were safe.

Nick wasn't even concerned by his own taunting, but he knows if Madison were to see it she would use it as evidence in the ongoing trial of The Public Versus Troy Otto.

She currently had Strand and Alicia in her corner, though Strand was only there because he owed Madison for saving him, and Alicia just didn't like or trust Troy very much. It was fine for now, but Nick would have to find a way to sway Alicia to his side or Madison's guilty verdict would go unchallenged as he had been labeled an unreliable witness in her eyes. 

He wonders how she would take it if she learned it wasn't his first time taunting someone like that. If she knew what he'd done on his own just before he met Luciana she wouldn't be so convinced it was _Troy_ making him this way. 

Nick finishes heating the chili, pours it into two bowls as evenly as he can, then joins Troy on the roof. He rounds the entrance to the roof and discovers that Troy's set up the sleeping bags to form a makeshift mattress along one wall, the blankets they'd taken earlier stuffed in between them while the ones they'd left behind this morning were crumpled on top.

"Troy?" Nick calls, but there's no answer. He sets the chilli next to their bags and goes to the nearest edge, looking for Troy around the perimeter but he doesn't see him anywhere, even after he's walked the entire outline of the building. The good news was that he didn't spot any infected or signs of life in the distance. 

Nick's just about to go searching inside the warehouse when Troy finally appears, meeting him at their bed. "Where have you been?" Nick asks. 

"Did a final sweep to make sure all the entrances and exits were still locked or sealed off."

Nick nods, and splays out across their makeshift bed. "Comfy," he decides. 

"I did what I could," Troy tells him, hovering at the edge of the sleeping bags. 

Nick smiles. He hooks his heel behind Troy's knee and pulls - hard enough to make Troy fall on top of him. He's spared a hard collision by Troy catching himself, his hands planting themselves on the sleeping bag on either side of Nick's head. 

"Was that really necessary?" 

Nick nods, running his own hands up and down Troy's sides. "Been wanting to touch you all day." 

"Just can't keep your hand off of me, huh, Nicky?"

Nick shakes his head, rucking up Troy's shirt for emphasis. He runs his hands across Troy's lower back then up to his shoulders. His skin is warm and soft, but Nick can feel the hard muscles twitching underneath. 

Troy stares down at him, gaze lingering on his mouth and Nick wonders if he's close enough to jump off the edge. Nick licks his lips in anticipation, and Troy wets his own before leaning forward. His nose gently bumps into Nick's, and his breath ghosts over Nick's lips, but he only hovers. 

Nick kisses his jaw, lingering there. He feels Troy shift against him, leaning into the kiss. 

"We should eat," Troy says quietly. 

Nick pulls away. "Yeah," he agrees just as quietly. 

Troy gets off of him, and he sits up. He doesn't let dinner be quiet, not wanting to put pressure on Troy, and he manages to get Troy to tell him stories about working on the ranch when he was younger. He thinks the passionate light in Troy's eyes as he explains the process of a successful harvest is just as good, if not better than finally sharing their first kiss. 

Nick starts shivering after a while, and Troy, who'd taken one of the blankets and wrapped it around himself spreads his arms and legs in open invitation. 

Nick crawls in between Troy's thighs, sighing in relief when strong arms wrap around him, blanket settling over his shoulders as Troy pulled him in close. "Whose dumb idea was it to sleep on the roof?"

Troy snorts in amusement. 

Nick settles comfortably after he's started to warm up, head resting on Troy's chest, his back plastered against Troy's front. The stars seem endless in the sky, the moon full and bright in the middle of them. It's peaceful here. 

"Do you want to start that book tonight?" Nick asks, not quite tired enough to fall asleep.

"You have it?"

Nick shrugs. "I always keep it in my backpack just in case we get stuck somewhere and need something to do."

"Get it "

Nick dug around in his bag as moment, then handed the book and a flashlight to Troy, and settled back against him. He made Troy read to him while he stared up the stars, listening carefully. This book, though unread by Troy until now, was still significant to him. It was a reminder of his struggle with his sexuality, and how even though he's tried to repress it, some part of him had always wanted to explore it, to be free. 

Nick could understand that, even if he himself had never struggled with his sexuality. The people who needed to know knew and if he desired someone gender just didn't matter. But he understood why it would matter to Troy. 

Troy reads for a while, but there's one line in particular that catches his attention. _"And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone. Do you think?”_

Nick cuts in, interrupting the next sentence. "Which do you think is worse? To be the one who died or the one left behind?"

Troy closes the book, marking their place by bending the corner of the page. "I think...I think dying is the easy part and living after it is like...it's like clawing at the lid of your coffin every day until you run out of oxygen...What do _you_ think?"

"I think being left behind is worse too." Nick answers. "I mean, you make all these memories with someone, have all these little habits form and they're all you have in the end. No one else can ever quite make you feel the same as they did, or replicate the way they acted, and you feel like you might suffocate on the way life just continues as if they were never there at all."

Stephen's face flashes in his mind and Nick wonders briefly how long it'll be, out here with no pictures, to forget it entirely. When he realizes Troy has yet to respond, he tilts his head back to look at him. His brow is furrowed as if he's contemplating something. 

"Something wrong?" 

Troy meets his gaze. "Would you miss me if I were gone?"

"You mean if you were dead?" 

Troy nods. 

Nick reaches up to touch his cheek. "Well, I took a hammer to my skull to make sure I didn't have to find out, but... _yeah_ , I would...Would you miss me?"

"No."

Nick furrows his brow. "No?"

Troy drags his knuckles across Nick's cheek. "Wouldn't let myself live long enough to."

His answer unsettles Nick. "Are you saying you'd kill yourself?"

Troy shrugs. "In a way. I mean, you're all I've got, Nicky. If I lost you...well I can't say for sure what I'd do, or even if it would happen immediately, but I know I'd go out swinging."

It's kind of sweet in a twisted, tragic sort of way, and Nick shoves down his discomfort over it because he supposes the world _would_ be better off if Troy were buried with him. 

"And to think, we haven't even kissed yet and you're already talking about dying with me someday." Nick says to lighten the mood. 

He doesn't expect Troy to tip his head back further or stare at his mouth for all of three seconds before kissing him gently. It feels nice, if a little odd, to be kissed from this angle. Nick shifts, lifting himself up and turning slightly so their mouths fit together properly, his fingers curling in Troy's hair to keep him close. He can tell how nervous Troy is by the way he twitches, his body tense as if ready to run, but once it finally sinks in that they're completely alone, he relaxes. 

Troy pulls away after a moment, staring down into his eyes. His expression is fully unguarded now, curiosity and fascination coloring it. His hand slides up from where it'd come to rest on Nick's jaw, his thumb brushing over Nick's lips. "They're so soft."

"They're chapped."

Troy leans forward, hovering with his mouth an inch from Nick's. "They're perfect," He murmurs before kissing him again. 

Nick smiles, grabbing onto Troy's face. He twists around so he faces Troy. 

They kiss softly, passionately, roughly, and lazily until they're satisfied and then they curl up on their makeshift mattress, Troy playing the role of big spoon. It always seemed easier somehow for Troy to be with Nick at night – as if the dark gave him the permission he sought to be free. 

Nick's playing with Troy's fingers, the stars a backdrop to the calloused hand above him, when Troy says, "Run away with me." 

Nick stills. "What?"

Troy snuggles closer against him. "We don't have to go to Brawley. We could just pick a direction and drive."

It's very tempting. No more Madison, or the suffocating way she loves, no more being controlled or manipulated. It could just be him and Troy carving out their own slice of happiness, no restrictions, no judgement – just room to breathe, to exist as themselves. 

But there's one thing holding him back. 

He interlocks his fingers with Troy's and pulls his hand down to kiss it.

"Why do I feel like you're about to say no?" Troy murmurs, braced for rejection. 

Nick smiles and nuzzles against Troy's hand. "I'm not saying no," he tells him, "just _not right now_. I don't want to leave Alicia alone with my mom until I know she won't get them both killed trying to look for me."

"Do you think Madison will ever just let you go?" Troy questions. "She ended up at the depot because she couldn't."

"I'll have to find a way to make her want to."

"And if you can't?"

"Then we'll just to have to convince Alicia to get away from her." 

Troy hums. "I'm with you, Nicky. As long as it takes."

Nick smiles and twists to kiss him on his swollen mouth one last time. "We should get to sleep."

Troy nods and closes his eyes. 

Nick follows suit, and it expects it to be the end of conversation – and for a while it is.

"I'm sorry." Troy whispers just he feels himself starting to drift into sleep.

"For what?" Nick mumbles sleepily. 

"Taking so long to kiss you."

Nick smiles, putting his hand over the one Troy has resting on his stomach. "Just don't stop, okay? I don't care if it's only in private or at night, just don't ever stop."

Troy kisses the top of his head. "Never." 

**Author's Note:**

> can u believe all I've had to do is edit this for the past month but I refused to every single day save for today when Ruckus, my cat with a more than appropriate name, laid on top of me so I just decided not to move and finally did it bc what else was I gonna do? 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this! The next part might take a while bc it focuses a little more on other bonds outside of Trick, but ofc there will still be trick fluff in that too. 
> 
> Also a reminder that I'm still accepting [Trick Prompts](https://knownasemrys.tumblr.com/ask)


End file.
